


the reins in your hands (and how you wish it wasn't this way)

by andathousandyearsmore



Series: juxtaposition [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dramatic Steve Rogers, Gen, I'm grasping for straws here, Matchmaker Natasha Romanov, POV Natasha Romanov, Team as Family, are there tags for this?, like? what even?, okay we'll just call this a transition piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-17 17:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17564579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andathousandyearsmore/pseuds/andathousandyearsmore
Summary: a counterpart to 'how we wish it wasn't this way' told from Natasha (well, kind of)





	the reins in your hands (and how you wish it wasn't this way)

**Author's Note:**

> to the lovely talya, who probably wasn't looking for this when she asked for the team trying to find out about the argument between Steve and Tony during the day of the other story
> 
> featuring: grape skittles and game of thrones (briefly)

Ever since the mess with Ross, and the subsequent disaster with Steve, the Tower had never felt more lonely than it was, even with so many people living here. It just didn't seem the same. Everyone had never so realized just how much time Steve spent with the team, and just how much he had a unifying, social presence. For all the shit they gave him for being horrible at social situations and people, it hadn't even registered that no, Steve was brilliant at what he did, whether he realized it or not. 

Breakfast was now a subdued affair, and team things were dulled, even the ones that Steve wasn't usually there for. Now that he spent most of his time with The Winter Soldier at SHIELD, possibly avoiding the team and what it meant, it was quiet. People like Pepper, and Rhodes, who had real jobs, couldn't help but also feel a sense of bluntness. 

God, Steve had really done a number on them, hadn't he?

Sharon, when she had gone to visit former Director Carter, had come back with a roll of her eyes. Apparently, Steve had always been so dramatic. Most people thought that out of Steve, James, and her, Steve was the least dramatic and the most calm. That was apparently, a lie told by Steve's perfectly innocent face and a lie perpetuated by James's constant smirk and the fact that people assumed that women were always in hysterics. No; out of the three of them, Steve was the one most likely to come into someone's life like a hurricane of force and leave lasting impressions, even though Carter seemed to master that technique beautifully. Indeed, according to Sharon, Carter had said that the same was true even back when Steve was five feet nothing and 100 pounds during a day-long downpour. 

 _"Irish temper like no one else, even if he seldom reaches it_ ," Carter had said, " _But it's up to a coin to decide if his temper, or the lethal power behind the temper does more damage_." 

Actually, it wasn't even clear if Steve was angry or not, or if he had been. At Ross, he had been precisely Calm enough to even unnerve Natasha, who had spent decades mastering that particular skill. At them, he had gone up and down between that same calm (a little muted) and a few pangs of weak anger. For all that Tony kept prodding Steve about his dark side and his one scandal, and for all that all of them wondered and pried and poked, it only begged the question of _if_  they really wanted to what Steve hid under unassuming smiles and an innate brightness. 

They had talked after Steve had threatened (and yes, that was going to be listed as a threat for how well it had been done) Ross, after Steve had gone to his room with the Soldier to presumably get fucked within an inch of his life (there was no question of the 'get fucked’ anymore), after he had rolled his eyes at them the next day, after they all saw a glimpse of what Peter did (and speaking of the little spider, his reflexes and skills were considerably improving if Peter could block off the plate as well as what he had demonstrated that day) and both before and after the CIA had come to take Bucky away. 

Thankfully they had talked it down to having Bucky in new-SHIELD's custody before Steve had even found out. The fight he had put up for new-SHIELD alone was fiery enough. None of them wanted to think about what would have happened if they hadn't already brought it down.

And now, here they (Natasha, Clint, Bruce, Sam, Maria, and Darcy) were, talking about the newfound avoidance strategy between Steve and Tony. It had mostly been Steve avoiding Tony whenever he was here... until today, when both of them were clumsily dancing around each other. Something must have happened last night.

(Unbeknownst to any of them, even Natasha, Steve and Tony were finishing a conversation at the same time as them in the kitchen. The issue was temporarily resolved.)

"It's not just me, right? Who's seeing this?" Sam asked, referring to both of their team leaders while he was sitting on the couch, next to Maria. Natasha wondered if there was something happening between these two. Some days, she wanted to light a little fire underneath the two and see what would happen. Just for satisfying her curiosity. 

"Steve's planning on retiring, in the not-so-distant future. You think it's about that?" Clint offhandedly mentioned, more focused on his Skittles. More specifically, one particular purple Skittle he couldn't seem to get out of the bag. 

Maybe that was why he didn't really pay attention to everyone's suprised faces as much as he should have. 

"Steve's what?" Darcy gaped, suddenly sitting upright and at the edge of her seat, gripping the armrest. This was just like what she did during GoT. 

Clint didn't appear to catch the note of disbelief in her voice. "Retiring. Quitting. Stepping down. Whatever he wants to phrase it like." 

Natasha could have smacked Clint for how nonchalant he was being about the entire thing, as if his purple Skittle mattered more than their _leader_ _leaving_ _the team_. Then again, if she didn't know how he used nonchalance and comedy to defect emotions, she would have murdered him out of sheer frustration years ago. It must have gotten to him too, if he was making a big show out of not caring. 

"You're sure?" Maria asked, already probably calculating damage control and trying to strategize their way out of this. Or strategize her way into convincing Steve to rethink. Not that she'd have any success, Natasha knew. Based on the grim line Maria's lips were set into, it appeared that Maria quickly understood that too.

"Ever since he woke up from SHIELDRA," Clint confirmed, finally managing to pull his Skittle out. He grinned to himself, in silent victory. Natasha fondly rolled her eyes. 

"Oh," seemed to be the room's collective, disheartened response. That was nearly five months worth of thinking... at least that they now knew of. It was in no way spontaneous or irrational... unless the Soldier could be factored into this as starting Steve's thought process. That start could have been out of nowhere, but somewhere, Steve liked the idea enough to hold onto it.

That was concerning.   

"I think he finally told Tony," Clint said. "Because it affects him the most. Team leadership and all." 

"Does that mean he'll tell us soon?" Bruce wondered, the only words he had verbally spoken the entire night. 

Footsteps from the entrance of the room caused them all to turn around. Standing there, looking like he had been hit by a verbal truck, was none other than Steve, who merely chose to lean against the wall, arms lightly crossed. 

"I don't know," Steve said, clever enough to know the he in question was none other than him. Natasha's mind flashed back to the thousands of other times he had seamlessly inserted himself into any given conversation. She realized that she had been blind enough to overlook every single one of those moments in favour of the notion that Steve was a fumbling almost-centenarian with no social skills. That was careless of her. Absolutely careless. And yet she wouldn't have even thought about it, even now, if he hadn't brought it up before. "Depends on what you want me to say." 

"Word on the street says you're retiring," Bruce said, suddenly talking more than he had before. Great, it was about time that Bruce put in his thoughts and viewpoints. 

Steve merely smiled knowingly at them, before looking down in thought. "Is that what it says?" 

"Doesn't mean we can trust its reliability." Maria was staring daggers at Steve now, not to intimidate him, but to try and pick him apart to find the answer. Natasha wondered how long it would take before Maria realized that that would not work on Steve. Steve was just... immune. 

"Well," Steve shrugged with another knowing look that made Natasha want to know just what he knew, "I don't think I have the answer you're looking for. Not by a long shot." Natasha hoped that he didn't mean that he was leaving. 

"You really _are_ leaving," Darcy breathed out. 

Steve shook his head, a strange, wistful look coming over his face. "I don't know," he answered in a rare moment of unguarded honesty and vulnerability. He paused. "It's not in my hands anymore." 

The silence in the room after that was deafening. Natasha could practically hear everyone's thoughts, loud and clear as they amounted to one thing. _Then whose?_  Whose hands were holding the reins to Steve's position? Who hands had the power to—

Oh. _Tony._  Of course. 

"Steve?" Sam quietly asked, concerned for the blond and what may have happened. 

"Don't. It's not my story to tell," Steve sharply said, looking back up regretfully. Not to them but for something else. The some _one_  else that had caused the issue in the first place. "Not to you guys."

"Tony's?" Clint guessed, correctly, if Steve's tightened smile was something to go by. 

"I messed up," Steve simply said, pushing himself off the wall. "I've been messing up for a while and it's finally caught up to me." 

Before Natasha, or anyone could ask what the hell Steve meant, he left. 

No one went after him, choosing to think about it instead. Natasha knew she was going to have to find out what happened between Steve and Tony, and why that directly translated into Tony having the power to keep or kick Steve out of his own team. After all, if it was a falling out, and Tony kicked Steve off, or wanted to, Steve had already made plans to leave. But if it wasn't a falling out, what did Tony hold over Steve that would convince a stubborn super soldier to put retirement plans on hold, or even question?

Steve had been right. It wasn't in his hands anymore.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. I really don't know. But I am taking prompts! 
> 
> love, m x


End file.
